Andy Jose

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array(8) { [0]=> array(7) { ["name"]=> string(12) "Lauren Smith" ["comments"]=> string(9247) "Only way I knew how to contact you. I don’t know how else to contact you as I believe I have been blocked on everything. I just came to talk, but I’ve left everyone on the front step. Firstly, I would like to apologise for my outburst on Facebook the other day. It was extremely immature and uncalled for and I should have handled it much differently than what I have for the past 8 weeks. So I am sorry for posting and tagging you in the post I made. The good and bad thing about being an alcoholic is the black outs, I don’t actually remember word for word exactly what I wrote but it shouldn’t have been done and cause embarrassment to you both and myself online. That was wrong and I am sorry. I have had some issues controlling my alcohol content recently and with AA being a difficult place to be at the moment due to other issues I’m finding it hard to get the right support I need to be the better version of myself again. Not your fault of course and by no ways an excuse, I just want you to know I am working on it. I have known for a long time my behaviour with alcohol is not ideal and the saying ‘once an alcoholic always an alcoholic’ is ringing very true unfortunately. It has come to my attention that Andy, you had no idea what I was lashing out about and Chris also told you he had no idea either. You believe it was just me being stupidly too drunk and Chris and I had a fight and I lashed out at you both to hurt Chris. However, this isn’t actually true. Chris knows exactly what has been upsetting me and has chosen to ignore my feelings and didn’t want to help me resolve these with you and asked me to forget and ignore what was really bugging me. I can’t do that. I should have come to you both to discuss this so we could all get over this quicker and faster rather than let it stew and fester inside me this whole time. On our wedding day… I was utterly shocked, embarrassed and disgusted in Andy ‘disappearing’ on our wedding night/my birthday dinner. I felt this was a direct attack. I took it so so personally that you left without saying goodbye. I took it that you hated me, you didn’t believe or condone or support our marriage and had no intention on hanging around pretending you did care. I was utterly embarrassed each time everyone asked me ‘where is the best man?’ Then further embarrassed by their response of ‘oh, he just ‘left’? But he is the best man right?’ I felt like this was a direct attack on me and our relationship and you did this to make it well known to all my family and friends you had no interest in supporting us on our special day. I was told at dinner that you were pretty drunk and probably just slinked off drunk to go home, which hurt still at the time but plausible and I moved on from it. Hope you got home safe is what I thought. But I was then even more kicked in the face when the next morning when we came to collect the suit, not only was there no apology for ‘just leaving’ but you then gloated about how you went to the Red Lion and won $750, what a great night you had! I felt completely disrespected and mortified this is how you treated me on our day in front of all my family and friends. My BPD unfortunately takes things like this really really poorly. There is an RSVP for weddings for a reason and normally it’s for catering purposes. I had to advise Allurah and Carbonis on final numbers so they could cater correctly for everyone. So when I was advised Lilly was going home and not staying for dinner (fair, you have a child I get it) I was pretty upset and disappointed that you didn’t have the decency to advise us prior. If it was a last minute change no worries, but you told me Lilly was never staying for dinner out the front. Why wouldn’t you advise us of this? Did you advise Chris and he didn’t pass it on? Because the numbers were in already for the table, who ever didn’t show up we would have to pay for as they had prepared. To then have you Andy just leave, we were also now left with your food bill to. The bill at the end of the night after 2 people didn’t show up due to Covid was over $1000 for us to pay. We were left to fork that out when we made it very clear we were having a small wedding and providing drinks and canapés at Allurah then having a birthday dinner for me after which was pay your own. I already forked out $550 for a bus to help everyone get to the dinner as a thank you for continuing the celebrations. I was really offended (not just by you, there were others that didn’t pay for their drinks etc. which I’m also not happy about). But I was horribly offended. Considering you were the best man Andy, you weren’t expected to do much. We paid for your suit, we got you a thank you gift for being best man, you really just had to rock up, and stay. Stay to support your friend Chris. Stay and support the marriage you were there for. I was so offended and I took it really really personally. Since then, I have thought you have both hated me. Because why else would anyone be this cruel and mean to leave their dinner bill and leave the dinner of their best mates wedding. They must really hate the bride right 🤷🏻‍♀️ Why would they gloat about leaving their wedding to go win money, because that was clearly a more important thing for them to do that night rather than stay and support the wedding you were just a best man for. This has been bubbling up inside me for weeks. I now know I should have just come to you both directly, instead I let Chris handle it. Last night I learnt he has said nothing to you. All he had to say was, hey Lauren is a bit crazy we know but she took you leaving really personally at the wedding. It upset her a lot, just need you to know. Then you would have said oh not to upset you Loz, no I’m sorry you felt that way and all would have been fine. But now it has blown up into this big thing and I’ve gone and got drunk and angry and now I’ve gone and embarrassed you in front of your family and friends. But I’m now the monster. I’m the worse thing in the world, no one ever knew about how I felt the whole time since. I don’t want this to continue, I don’t want to be looked at like this horrible person who only causes havoc and destruction where I go. I don’t know how to process my emotions properly and I am working on that. I wanted this to be resolved after the wedding but Chris told me to drop it and I couldn’t. So I am here, to say I am sorry. I’m not this horrible bitch that just tried to upset Chris. I was really really hurt by what I experienced on my wedding day. You have to remember I also had Chris’ kids not even say hi to me and not even congratulate us. His parents pretending to be amazing people as a fake family in front of everyone and then I learnt the next morning everyone except for you 2 from Chris’ side of the invites didn’t even bother to give us a card… not even a card!! That is so disrespectful it sent me soaring. His parents didn’t even give us a card to congratulate us but his nana in Stawell who didn’t attend did 🤷🏻‍♀️ no other way to make a person feel rejected than that. I was feeling, I am feeling really really rejected by everyone that day. There was a lot of stress and emotion and I was really looking forward to becoming good friends with you both and having double dates and catch ups, sucking at netball with Lil etc. I think that’s why it hurt so much, I felt the promised future of us all being friends was destroyed. Then I went along and put the last coffin nail in. I am sorry. I am sorry for the anger and frustration I have caused you, I was only lashing out due to my inability to regulate my own emotions. The past 2 weeks have been hell for me. I’m convinced that Chris is going to leave me (another awesome trait of BPD) and Andy is trying to convince him to leave me, I’m the worst person in the world and you are all scheming to have him move out after Europe and I’m then stuck with all the bills, just paid his car off for him and it will be hilarious. I’ll be the laughing stock of Ballarat yet again. The fact is my brain actually believes these are true fears. It cannot seperate the crazy from real and I’m now in a place where my husband and I didn’t even last 2 months and I ruined everything. I have come today to speak to you, I’ve written this out in the car for the past half an hour after being awake till 4:30am unable to calm my mind. I’m riddled with anxiety, I’ve even had a Valium this morning to calm me down, and fear of how I will be taken when I come to the door. But there are flowers for Lil and the bottle of champagne you bought us as an I’m sorry. I can’t have alcohol in the house anymore so it’s best it goes to someone who will enjoy it. My work got us another bottle of Mumm and we had it on our mini-moon and it’s probably my favourite champagne now. So please accept these gifts at least if you don’t accept my apology. I never wanted this to happen, I should have just dealt with it directly with you instead of it getting out of hand." 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